I was contacted today by another young widow who asked me about how to deal with the feelings of being so alone in the grief. It has been months since her husband's death and she said no one really asks her about him anymore. She is hurt by this and yet doesn't necessarily want to talk about him either. It is confusing and enraging.
I remember this. I remember the contradicting feelings and the frustration of not knowing what to do with them. You do your best to control them and suppress the immense anger you feel. However, is it healthy? What are the healthiest ways in which to deal with the anger and stress of grief? How does one deal with such intense loneliness and anger and stress and sadness all bottled up within?
I want to say that there is a perfect solution. I want to be able to tell others that you can just do this or that and it makes it all better. The sad truth is that there really isn't much I can say. There are small things here and there. Small choices that added up create a path of healing. It is just that it isn't fast. It doesn't satisfy our desire for an immediate solution and it is a long, hard road.
The best advice I can perhaps give is to choose to find gratitude in your life every day. It can be as simple as food to eat, shelter over your head, your health or your job. Whatever it is, in choosing gratitude, you will eventually choose life. You will eventually choose a much happier life than the one you find yourself in now.
In dealing with the anger, I chose not to dwell in it, which was difficult and something I had to do daily, even hourly. I made myself acknowledge the good in my life, even when it seemed so small. I made myself do something new or I would exercise so that I would feel an endorphin high and ultimately find some gratitude. In doing so, these small expressions of gratitude blossomed and a garden of thanks grew.
Life will continue to throw its difficulties our way. Our job is to determine how we will respond. Life can be a difficult journey, but one in which somewhere along the way, if you choose gratitude, you find yourself eventually out of the darkness, feeling the sun on your face again as you notice the people smiling beside you.
I remember this. I remember the contradicting feelings and the frustration of not knowing what to do with them. You do your best to control them and suppress the immense anger you feel. However, is it healthy? What are the healthiest ways in which to deal with the anger and stress of grief? How does one deal with such intense loneliness and anger and stress and sadness all bottled up within?
I want to say that there is a perfect solution. I want to be able to tell others that you can just do this or that and it makes it all better. The sad truth is that there really isn't much I can say. There are small things here and there. Small choices that added up create a path of healing. It is just that it isn't fast. It doesn't satisfy our desire for an immediate solution and it is a long, hard road.
The best advice I can perhaps give is to choose to find gratitude in your life every day. It can be as simple as food to eat, shelter over your head, your health or your job. Whatever it is, in choosing gratitude, you will eventually choose life. You will eventually choose a much happier life than the one you find yourself in now.
In dealing with the anger, I chose not to dwell in it, which was difficult and something I had to do daily, even hourly. I made myself acknowledge the good in my life, even when it seemed so small. I made myself do something new or I would exercise so that I would feel an endorphin high and ultimately find some gratitude. In doing so, these small expressions of gratitude blossomed and a garden of thanks grew.
Life will continue to throw its difficulties our way. Our job is to determine how we will respond. Life can be a difficult journey, but one in which somewhere along the way, if you choose gratitude, you find yourself eventually out of the darkness, feeling the sun on your face again as you notice the people smiling beside you.
This photo says it all! I took this photo of a woman in Zambia who was given assistance with her farming and now is able to sustain herself. She wasn't just sitting around when the Charity group out of the US decided to help her. She had asked for the help and was already working to improve her life. She could still be frowning as she is living in an impoverished community, but instead she is smiling in gratitude.
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