When The Good Times Bring Up Grief

Three months ago I married a truly remarkable man. We met in a way that many believe, could only have been of God's design. He has had the strength to hear about my past and to read my memoir. He has allowed me to talk about my grief and he has comforted me when I have cried. He has many of the wonderful qualities that Mark did, but he is also completely different. Mark loved to go to bed early and my new husband loves to stay out late. He makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts and he loves to dance. Two things that I didn't have in my previous relationship. I love him and I am grateful that God has brought him into my life.

As our wedding approached, I was filled with excitement and surprisingly, also grief. Planning the wedding brought up memories of my wedding to Mark. It was a time of joy sprinkled with some sorrow. It surprised me some as I had never been told that the good times can bring up the dark ones.

It bothers me when I hear how happy people are that I have "moved on." They mean well, but the term "moved on" disturbs me. I have not "moved on" from Mark. I will always love him and miss him. Each friend you have is unique and different. If you lose a friend, you don't replace him or her with a new one. The same is true of a spouse. I love my new husband in a different way as I am a different person now and he is a different man. I believe the term "moving on" implies that you don't think about or grieve the past. I do though. The past is a part of who I am.

As I have adjusted to my new married life, many memories have been brought to life. It stirs up emotions that have laid dormant. At times it surprises me and at times I expect them.

I will cherish these gifts that God gives for even though life is bittersweet, it is also good. For this, I express my gratitude.